alters

Characters that remind you of your alters

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I think it’s kinda cool when you come across a character, in a book or movie or whatever, that reminds you of a system member personality-wise.

I recently started watching avatar, the last airbender and i gotta say, Aang really reminds me of Mimi. Like Aang, Mimi has a very playful approach to challenges and life in general. Now, I don’t mean playful as in not taking things seriously, but rather that she remains optimistic and tries to see the bright side. She has a lot of faith and believes that there is good in everyone, and she is very eager to help others. Sometimes, both Mimi and Aang might even come off as a bit naive.
Just like Aang, Mimi is very spiritual and has a deep connection with nature and animals. However, below the surface, they both fear and doubt that they are not strong enough to face what is to come (for Aang, that would be saving the world and for Mimi, it is the challenge of being an alter and protecting the system). I wouldn’t say that Aang resembles Mimi perfectly, but the ways in which he does are very striking.

I’ve also started watching an anime called Steins;gate (an awesome anime btw) and it features a character that reminds me so much of Wynn that it’s almost scary. The character is called Mayuri and she is just the sweetest girl. She is very childlike, to a point where is comes off as a little dumb. However, as the series progresses, we learn that, while she isn’t very cunning, she is very perceptive and unbelievably caring. Just like Mayuri, Wynn is so loving, kind and innocent that she can seem a little slow, but in reality she is very perceptive and does understand more than she gives away. Both of them seem so carefree most of the time, but they do have their worries, they just don’t really show it. Also, they both like cosplaying and kawaii stuff.
They might not be good at math or whatever, but they are good with people. They see with the heart, not the mind and I think that is what makes them so precious.

Realizing this has made me wonder what characters us other alters are alike, and i gotta say that I’m not sure yet. Have you come across characters that remind you of your alters? Which ones and why do they remind you of your system members?

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Big announcement!

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Basically this whole year we have been working towards fulfilling a dream we’ve had since we were kids (those of us who were around back then, anyway): visiting Japan.

And now, our dream is about to come true! In fact, we will be staying at a host fanily from october to january while studying Japanese at a school! We will be living in Fukuoka, but hopefully we’ll visit many different cities in both Japan and possibly China and Korea.

Needless to say, we are all very excited! Basically everyone of us really want to do this, so it has been the main motivator for us all to work on our issues, both individually and as a system. Naturally, it’ll be a huge challenge for all of us but I’m sure we can do this!

I still have a hard time believing it, considering where we’ve been.. A few years ago, just the thought of leaving our room could make us cry and panic, using public transportation would lead to so much anxiety.. We had no proper diagnosis despite having spent years and years as a patient at a mental health clinic. No one understood, no one saw what was going on.
There was a time when Nemo would come out almost every night and cry so hard he could barely breathe. Or he would get triggered out and be so anxious he couldn’t move for hours by someone simply raising their voice. We have had saboteur alters hurting us and before that years of confusion and doubt and depression. Not the mention all the abuse..
Last year we were in hospital three times because of mental health issues..

It’s been a long time coming, and we have all worked so hard to get to this point.. And here we are, about to go on the adventure of our lives, and I feel.. Ready. I think we are ready 🙂

Hope you are all doing great!
/ Mimi and RP

Look who’s back, bitches!

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We’ve been away on vacation, but we are finally back (with some new make up, awwh yeah). Selfies are usually not my thing, but with this new make up and tablet (which actually has camera at the front, awwh yeah nr 2) I just couldn’t resist. Here ya go.

/ Phemie

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Drafting a contract

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We’ve been very inactive lately, not sure if anyone gives a shit so whatever. 

Yesterday, we as a system made an important decision, which I will tell you about in just a few seconds. Now, making that decision lead us to start considering writing a contract for our system. We have thought about it before, but never really felt a need for it, but considering recent events I do think that it’d be worth giving a try. 

As of yesterday, Mimi is in charge of the body’s physical well-being. That means that she gets the last word when it comes to when/what we eat, when/how we exercise, body modifications and self-harm. None of us identify with the body, and therefore none of us feel responsible for the body. That is a good thing when it comes to decision-making since it makes compromising easier (no one is like “it’s MY body, I get the last word”), but it also allows unhealthy behaviors to go unhindered, and we can’t have that. And since Mimi has the most healthy attitude towards food/exercising/body image out of all of us, the choice was easy. She will try to make sure that we have a balanced diet (healthy food mixed with some sweets and snacks here and there), exercise regularly but not obsessively and so on. Now, one has to remember that we have a high level of co-consciousness, so consulting Mimi at any given time won’t be a problem. Respecting her decision might be though. We’ll see.

Now, the question is, what else should we include in our contract? Well, for starters, we should include that, while we (the other alters) must respect and be considerate of RP’s (host) fears and concerns, they (RP) must not pull us back and suppress us when it comes to everyday decisions. That means that we get more say in things like what to wear, we may announce ourselves to people we feel safe with and we get more time to spend on our hobbies. Sounds fair enough to me. 

Also, I need to have the right to voice my opinion, one way or another. Because seriously, this bottled up anger is getting the best of me, and I ain’t having it. I’m still not sure how to express it without triggering someone else, but we’ll have to work on that ASAP. 

I really like that we’ve been getting more room to buy stuff we want, like art supplies, food and clothes. I think we should keep that up. Of course there has to be a limit, we can’t just go off and spend all our money. Guess we’re gonna have to put someone in charge of our spendings. Probably RP. See? I can be diplomatic as fuck. 

(Perhaps everyone should be in charge of something, based on their traits and talents?) 

What else? Can’t think of anything right now.

Do you guys have any ideas on what should be included in a contract? Do you have one?

/ Phemie

To my fellow system members

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[Trigger warning: strong language]

Where the fuck are you? I’m fucking serious. Things have just gotten gradually worse over the last few weeks and it’s just getting ridiculous. I’m tired, no actually, I’m exhausted. Totally fucking drained. Why? No idea. I suppose it’s our bipolar sticking out its ugly little head again, every day I just feel depression clouding my mind more and more. I want to sleep for a hundred years. I want silence and darkness, I want to be left alone. 

Seriously guys, I need a break, like, right now. So where the fuck are ya’ll? It’s like you’ve just left me here. Switching doesn’t seem to work anymore. I don’t know what the hell is going on. RP is just absent, only fronting when absolutely needed. Mimi’s been all quiet and shit since the incident with Mr Arrogant Asshole, and I know it hurt you but seriously, fuck that fucking asshat. He’s a ignorant bitch, more shit comes out of mouth than his ass. I need you around ASAP. I know you are knew and we’re not sure what your role is and whatever, but please don’t let that intimidate you. I mean, we can’t expect the kids to front in school, Stranger is too unstable, God knows what stupid shit Sinner would get us into (I don’t trust them, can you tell?), Kathy does more good inside than out, which leaves us with you, me and RP. I’ll even let you wear the clothes you wanna wear, pinky promise. 

Guys, we are supposed to help each other out, remember? Could someone just please step up, step in and cut me a fucking break?

kthxbye 

/Phemie

How Phemie sees it #2 Time heals all wounds

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Except it doesn’t, now, does it?

For the longest time I kept asking myself, now that x years have past since y, why am I still not getting any better? Why are we as a system still suffering everyday? Why are we still afraid, still feeling unsafe, still anxious, still struggling? Then it dawned on me. Time does not heal wounds. Sure, it provides the means for you to improve, but it does not do the work for you. It does not magically make all your problems disappear. Why aren’t we getting better? Because we spent all those years doing the wrong things. We were not working through the shit that has happened, and to be fair, how could we? You can’t get over trauma if you are still very unstable. We didn’t have anyone to help us along the way, nor did we have the time or energy given the fact that we had to spend it all on just making it through the day.

I was naive, thinking that it’s about how much time has passed, when really, it’s about if you are in a position to work on the “right” things (for instance, if your current situation is stable enough, if you have someone to work with you) and if you really are working on it. One month of hard work is going to do more for us than ten years doing nothing, I’m sure.

Not only did we not work on our issues, we didn’t really live either. We did not go out and make memories, perfect skills or learn something new. We did nothing.

Maybe I’m just being bitter, been feeling so off these past weeks.

 

Mimi’s selfies!

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Mimi was out today and decided to play around with make up and dress us up a bit! She even put on the thigh highs with ribbons on 😛 Here are some selfies she took. Shame the eye make up didn’t look as good in the pics as it did in real life.. Oh, and sorry about the blurriness in some of the picture!

DSC_0824 DSC_0826 DSC_0828 DSC_0829 DSC_0833  DSC_0837   DSC_0852DSC_0843DSC_0846DSC_0835

 

Hope you enjoyed them, and happy Easter everyone! 🙂