[Trigger warning: eating disorder, body image issues]
Short background: I was admitted to hospital because of a bad depressive episode in late November last year. Being at the psychward was hell and causes a lot of chaos in my system. What I think happened is that a very angry, destructive alter split off from Phemie and integrated with The angry man (another alter), and this new version of him was frighting to say the least. After I was discharged, this destructive alter disappeared and three new ones appeared: Benji, Kathryn and a male teenager who still remained a mystery, until a few days ago where he became much more.. concrete? clear? I don’t know. He was as confused by suddenly fronting (and by merely existing, it seems) as I was (I was co-conscious with him).
He calls himself Stranger. He is in his early teens, dark haired, very lost and frustrated and deeply unhappy with being an alter, especially in this body. Okay, unhappy is an understatement. It is simply unbearable for him, he hates this body wholeheartedly. He is disgusted with it, thinks it’s fat, though he does admit that from an outsiders point of view it isn’t that bad, but the fact that he has to live in it makes it insufferable for him.
Furthermore, he is utterly confused, totally lost. He doesn’t know the first thing about himself, and it’s killing him. And I don’t know what to do. I wish I could help, but I don’t know how. Honestly, I’m scared that he will try to take losing weight in his own hands and do something bad in sheer desperation. I can hear him commenting on everything anyone eats, telling us not to, and I know that he is curious about pro-ana and pro-mia sites. I’m really worried about him.