I haven’t been very active lately, simply because I haven’t had anything to say. I haven’t felt like bloging at all. I don’t know if I’m just getting bored with it or if I’m just “doing it wrong”. Maybe I’m just getting tired of all the drama on tumblr, or maybe I just don’t feel like I’m connecting with anyone. I still feel alone, and a bit lost. I’m finally starting to embrace my alters and create a life that we can all be happy with, but all I feel is exhausted. I just want to retreat into my own little fantasy world and leave everything else behind me, you know.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve been fighting it for so long and now that I don’t have to anymore, I’m just not sure how to live. What do I do with all the time and energy that I used to put into holding back?
I’m currently in Gothenburg visiting a friend, and it’s been great. I’ve felt surprisingly comfortable around her, given the fact that we’d never met before. She’s been very accepting of my condition and my alters, and I had planned on trying to let them hang out with her but I haven’t heard from them for a few days now. It’s like they’re just gone, it’s such a strange feeling. Hate it.
I finally got that piercing that Phemie wanted us to have (it’s a piercing type called “industrial”, you have a metal stick connecting two holes on the upper part of your ear). She did front very briefly, looking at it in the mirror and enjoying having the body look more like she does on the inside, but that’s it. Same goes for Wynn, she fronted briefly when we were at the science fair/ aquarium, but other than that I’ve felt like some sort of imposer walking around in her clothes.
I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know if we’ll continue bloging or not. We’ll just have to see i guess.