I’m surrounded by monsters

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When my littles are out painting in art therapy, one theme seems to be re-occurring: monsters. Wynn’s painted the creepy clown, Nemo’s painted the “ptsd-monster” and a few days ago Benji or Nemo painted another monster, the “abuse monster”. I don’t know what it is about my littles and monsters. Maybe it’s just their way of making sense of all the horrible things that have happened. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Not sure. I have no idea how to feel about it.

I used to like watching my brother playing horror games, and horror movies and stuff. Or well, I felt a need to watch, but I don’t know if I actually enjoyed it. I remember one time when I was watching my brother play some zombie game, and my mum calling me. I went to her and she got a little scared because apparently I was all pale looking. I know that even at the time, I found it strange because I hadn’t felt scared at all. Perhaps I was dissociating, who knows. Either way, it isn’t until recent years that I’ve actually started being very sensitive to horror movies and the like. The creepy images get stuck in my head and come haunt Wynn in the dark or when she’s alone. I guess all the monsters  I saw when I was younger have lingered somewhere in the back of my mind all these years, only to return now that I’m more in touch with my alters. 


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