Often, when a person in diagnosed with *something something* NOS (= not otherwise specified) it means that they do meet some of the criteria for a disorder, but not enough for them to get a “full” diagnosis. As you might already know, I have DDNOS because I meet every criteria except one for Dissociative Identity Disorder. This being “in-between” can be quite hard on me sometimes, because it feels like I don’t really belong anywhere. Sometimes I get this nagging voice in the back of my head saying that I don’t really belong in the DID community, because I obviously don’t have it. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I have no right to “complain” or even the difficulties I face with my DDNOS because DID is a more severe disorder. It’s silly, I know, DID being a more severe condition doesn’t mean that DDNOS isn’t legit and difficult too. I just can’t help but wonder “where do I fit in in all of this”? I don’t have DID, but I’m not “normal” either.
Obviously, I don’t wish that I had DID. I just wish that I felt like I belonged somewhere, I wish that I would have a more definitive answer to what is wrong with me than “not otherwise specified”. I wish that I didn’t feel like I was “in-between”, you know?
(I really hope that it’s clear that I don’t wish severe disorders upon myself just so that I could fit in somewhere. I also hope that this didn’t offend anyone because that is really not my intention. If it did, please let me know and I’ll delete it.)