Last night, as I was talking to my boyfriend, something struck me. Before I had my DDNOS diagnosis, I felt broken, like I didn’t really I exist, my body was just filled with thousands of little pieces, and I was just one of them. If you shook it, you could probably hear us rattle. Nothing made sense, nothing fit. I was just shattered. Now, that I have my diagnosis and the knowledge that my alters exist and why, I feel.. Well, like I’ve been healed a bit, but still far, far from whole, but I don’t feel as sad and lost anymore. Now I know that yes, I was shattered, but I took all those little pieces and I turned them into something – my alters. It baffles me that I was able to make something useful and meaningful out of something that was broken beyond recognition, but I did. Not consciously of course, but still, I did.
I was put through things so horrible that I broke, and yet I managed to take what was left, and make the best out of it. And that brings me hope.