My system has been changing these past couple of months, probably because of everything that’s happened this year. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s some background: Some people, such as myself, suffer from a condition called dissociative identity disorder or other specified dissociative disorder, which means that we share our body with other people (commonly referred to as alters). All the personalities that share the body together make up what we call a system. Alters are created to help the “original personality” to cope with terrible things happening to them when they are young. Systems are dynamic, alters can change, be created or disappear depending on what situation the system is in and what they need. Makes sense, right? Go to “about us” to find out more about my alters.
Moving on… This past year has been turbulent, and my psyche has decided to shake up my system a bit in an attempt to adjust to our current situation. The following is what I believe has happened:
Phemie’s rage and destructiveness has split off and and integrated with the angry man. I haven’t heard from the angry man for quite a while, so I’m assuming he is gone. What I do know for sure is that Phemie is doing much better, she has regained her usual sass and is back on track with a new task at hand:
She is taking care of a new alter! His name is Benjamin (we call him Benji), he is eight years old and so far he hasn’t fronted (fronting is when an alter takes partial or full control of the body). I do know where he came from and a bit about his background, however, it is a bit tricky… You see, I have sort of two inner worlds (an inner world being kind of like a fantasy world, this is usually where the alters live). I discovered Benji in one of the worlds (where my alters don’t live) and basically transported him to the other one, where my alters live. So now he lives with them in their home, and Phemie is taking good care of him. Phemie, Benji and Nemo (!) have been hanging out quite a lot, in fact, they built a blanket fort just a few days ago! It was so cute :3
I’ve also been dreaming of two new alters, I think? One male and one female, named Kathryn. I don’t remember much about these dreams, other than that the one about Kathryn was a nightmare that woke me up. I think in the dream, she appeared of of nowhere in this old video game kind of world, and she was very scared. However, I have been feeling the presence of other alters, it’s all still very vague and confusing though. It could just be Sinner, who is feeling better and getting more dominant, who knows. Actually, the angry man’s absence could have made Sinner more lighthearted.
To be completely honest, I’m not even sure who is typing all this up. I’m not sure who “I” am right now. I suppose I still have a lot of figuring out to do. Anyway, I hope this makes any sense, and thank you for reading!