I’m still in hospital, but at least I have my computer now!
[Trigger warning: suicide]
Things were really tough on Friday. I had an appointment with the doctor at my unit, she didn’t understand what we were trying to say and Phemie exploded. She came out and demanded that we get discharged right now, the doctor answered that we’ll talk about it after lunch. So Phemie went back to our room, where someone else fronted and searched our room for something to commit suicide with. I don’t know who this alter is, but he/she has been fronting more and more and causing more and more trouble. It’s like a self-destruction button, one minute I’m fine, the next thing I know someone pushes that button and this alter comes out and tries to rage quit life. I suspect that it might be an alter that has split off of Phemie, since they seem to be connected in some way. It usually start off with Phemie’s pissed-offness and then turns into something wildly destructive. Phemie is a protector, it wouldn’t make sense for her to act this way. Perhaps all the stress and the memories that might be surfacing has caused her to split. maybe she is just so pissed at me for not letting her do her job that she has turned her anger towards us instead of the ones that actually upset her in the first place. I don’t know, I just don’t know..
Anyway, this alter didn’t find anything in our room, so Phemie took over once more and talked to one of the nurses about how she has had enough of their shit, and that she is tired of the mental health care who always make us feel worse. She said that she ain’t staying here one more minute. The nurse went to talk to the doctor again, and my boyfriend showed up. Nemo came out and cried for 40 in his arms, then we went to speak to the doc again. We made this deal that we could go home and stay over night, and tomorrow we would come back an get discharged if everything went well. Well, obviously, we are not ready to get discharged so that’s what I told the doc yesterday and so we are still stuck here. Oh, and the clown is back too, yay.
I hope this made any sense, I’m still sluggish after my medication so it’s hard to concentrate.. Anyway, I hope you are doing well!