The nature of abuse and its consequences

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[Trigger warning: childhood abuse]

I’ve been thinking about the nature of abuse and if and how it effects the healing process. In some cases, abuse is the primary goal, the abuser hurts the child only to make it suffer. Other times, the abuse is.. in a lack of a better word I’m gonna say unintentional. For instance, an alcoholic or mentally ill parent might neglect their child because of their illness, not because they want to hurt the child. My abuser did not do what they did because they wanted to harm me, they weren’t sadistic, and I’m not sure how to feel about that. At the time, it didn’t matter but now that I’m older and am able to understand what happened, I just don’t know what to do with it. Of course it is comforting to know that they weren’t aiming to harm me, but at the same time.. It makes it hard to be angry at them, it makes it hard to feel like they have wronged me. It’s hard for me to blame them and I feel like I have to forgive them simply because it wasn’t their intention.’

Doesn’t help that my alters are in conflict either. Some say that I should move on, others feel  that it’s sort of our duty to forgive. Phemie just says fuck them, she thinks we should cut them out of our life and be happy without them, Nemo just wants to disappear. I guess all of these attitudes are understandable, doesn’t make it easier though…

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2 thoughts on “The nature of abuse and its consequences

    brokenbutbeingrepaired said:
    November 17, 2013 at 10:08 am

    Can understand the confusion you must be feeling. If your abuser(s?) did not intentionally harm you, and it was a result of their illness/addiction…..they could have got help for themselves, surely?
    It is difficult, because whether an abuser harms a child because they want to, or they believe the abuse is correct, or as a result of the abusers own addictions/illness, the result is the same….an abused child.

    It might help if you all can work on how you feel about you, rather than the abuser and maybe in time, your feelings regarding the abuser will fall into place(?).

    Apologies if have written too much, sending our best wishes.

      litenselleri responded:
      November 17, 2013 at 1:08 pm

      Input is always welcome, please don’t worry about writing too much! You’re making a very good point.. I guess I needed to hear that abuse is still abuse and it doesn’t really make my suffering any less valid. I think that one of my abuser doesn’t have the capacity to understand what they did and how it has affected me, they will never be able to understand. I’m certain that this is due to a undiagnosed disability. The other main abuser suffered and perhaps still suffers from a mental health disorder. However, these two persons were not the only people who have done me harm, some others have actively harmed me while others have reinforced trauma or done nothing to help me.
      Thank you for the advice, I’ll definitely try!
      Once again, thank you for taking the time to comment! 🙂

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