Quick update: not doing well

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[Trigger warning; mentioning of self-harm]

Hello everyone.

I have been quite unwell these last couple of weeks, really, but it’s gotten a lot worse the last few days and a lot has happened. I’ve been very depressed and low, feeling this urge to hurt myself (which i nearly did). A few memories have come back, I’ve discovered more about my history of mental illness and I’ve also become more aware of what’s going on in my system (a system being all the alters and their respective roles) and realized what probably needs to be done to get better and more stable. Of course I’m going to tell you guys all about it when I get a little better. Also, me and my boyfriend are moving in together tomorrow, so it might take some time to get settled and stuff.. Yeah, just wanted to let you know what is up and that I’ll be back as soon as I can.ย 

I hope you’re all doing good

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12 thoughts on “Quick update: not doing well

    tutuprincess said:
    September 20, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    Hi sweetie! I hope tomorrow lifts your spirits a little bit. Thinking of you xoxo

      litenselleri responded:
      September 25, 2013 at 3:59 pm

      Thank you darling ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m feeling a bit better, hoping it will last ๐Ÿ™‚ Thinking of you too

    marieolivia said:
    September 22, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Well, you just nearly did. You manage to not follow through on the impulses, and that is good! Well done! I’m sorry to hear you’re having bad time, I hope it passes soon!

    Congrats on moving in with your boyfriend, I really hope that works out to the best for both of you ๐Ÿ™‚

      litenselleri responded:
      September 22, 2013 at 5:45 pm

      [trigger warning: self harm] sorry to disappoint but it wasn’t as much my impulse control as it was the knife being too dull that stopped me… But to be honest, Im not sure I would have done it anyway, I feel terrified and sick at the thought of it but at the same time there was a part of me that seemed determined to try, but that part backed down after I tried the knife and found it was too dull… Im not sure what to make of all this :-/

        marieolivia said:
        September 22, 2013 at 6:04 pm

        Well, anyways you didn’t, and even if that was because of a dull knife, it’s better than new scars.
        Have you never self-harmed before?

        litenselleri responded:
        September 22, 2013 at 7:17 pm

        Yeah, you are right.. I’ll try to focus on that. Yes I have, but never in ways that felt scars and not for the same reasons.. Or maybe it was partly for the same reasons, but it’s more intense now

        marieolivia said:
        September 22, 2013 at 7:43 pm

        “never in ways that felt scars” .. what does that mean? I didn’t fully understand ๐Ÿ˜›
        Keep trying not to, even though you tell yourself it’s just this once or just one cut, or just five, try, try, try not to do it. Because it doesn’t make the urges go away the next time. The relief don’t last that long. Try to help yourself in more healthy ways ๐Ÿ™‚ You can do that ๐Ÿ™‚

        litenselleri responded:
        September 22, 2013 at 8:06 pm

        [Again, trigger warning for self harm.]

        Thank you for the encouraging words! I really,needed that… Well, often I would skip meals or comforteat until I felt sick, or I’d scratch myself with a needle in places no one could see. It left no scars. I’ve also bitten my hands and arms without penetrating the skin.
        Right now I feel like self harming not so much for relief as for forcing others to take me seriously. I’m just so utterly tired of talking and talking and still feeling like Im not getting through to people, you know..

        marieolivia said:
        October 10, 2013 at 3:50 pm

        I understand the feeling of not getting through, or not being heard! But really it’s not worth it to self-harm to be heard! I hope you have managed to not do it, and if you have done it, be happy with yourself for the times you resisted! I hope someone is helping you, and taking you seriously now, and that you managed to get through without hurting yourself.

    7piecesofone said:
    September 23, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    You survived the abuse- you can survive the recovery โค Sending well wishes.

      litenselleri responded:
      September 25, 2013 at 3:58 pm

      Thank you so much! I hope you are right…

        7piecesofone said:
        September 28, 2013 at 10:00 pm

        I know it’s possible !! They can’t hurt you now. The memories can stir up a lot- but they can’t kill you โค

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