[trigger warning guilt, abuse, sorrow]
Dear broken child,
I know we haven’t really gotten to know each other. You send pictures my way, or maybe Jessica’s way, but nothing me and the others say has ever gotten through to you. I understand why. You are just a child and they hurt you, they hurt you so bad. They were supposed to love you, to cherish you and give you a life full of joy, like you deserve. Because you do, you are worth loving and you deserve unconditional love, nothing else will do.
Instead you got what no one deserves: a life full of pain and darkness, surrounded by twisted minds and broken hearts who were and still are unable to love. They hurt you, senselessly over and over, cutting deeper every time. And it was never your fault. Never were you anything short of a perfect child; loving, good-hearted and grateful. They let you down, lied to you, screamed at you, beat you and kicked you and blamed you for it. Nothing you did was ever good enough, not because you didn’t try hard enough. No one on this planet could have tried harder or done better than you. They set you up for failure, and you worked so hard, only to be beaten down again. And you never understood. You thought that if you’d just work hard enough, they would love you, just like you’ve always wanted them to. You could not see that there never was any way for you to win this, simply because you never were the problem. It’s not fair, it has never been. And it has certainly never made any sense at all. It’s in that kind of violence’s nature to be illogical.
But I don’t need to tell you this. You might be the only one who knows what really happened to us. It’s a burden too heavy for you to bear. I know that you shut down because it’s the only way you know how to survive. If you didn’t, the pain would end us all. I know that we haven’t taken care of you, I know we’ve let you down and I know that you’ve been the one to hurt when we’ve let others harm us. We have let you down just as much as they did.
I want you to know that from this day on, you are not alone, no matter what they told you or did to you. I know that you’re coiled up in a dark corner somewhere in the back of my mind. For now, I don’t know how to get to you, but when I do I will hold you close and never ever let you go.
I can’t say that I know what you’ve been through, but I need you to understand that I feel your pain, your grief and fear. Can you feel your tears streaming down my face? Can you hear me cry with you? Can you feel my heart beak for you? I love you, and I swear to you that I will give you all the love and joy you’ve never dared dreaming about getting. But you have to show me how, you have to let me. I know you have no faith in humanity, you want nothing to do with them, but please, let me and the others protect you and love you. I need you to try and trust us, to give us a chance to prove to you that we are there for you. I know it’s hard, but we need you to try your hardest. Try to let one of us talk the next time someone upsets you. It might take a while for us to adjust to being able to communicate even when your sorrow is raging inside, but bear with us. I do believe that we could make a change for the better if you gave us the opportunity to express ourselves when someone hurts us. Maybe then you won’t have to absorb all the pain and sadness. Maybe then you’ll find release. Maybe then you’ll be able to speak and lean on us. I know that I’m asking very much of you and that it’s risky, I’m not sure we’ll make it if it fails. But I’m ready to try. I’m ready now.
I see you. I hear your silence. You are not alone.