Just got back from my first day at school. As usual, it was tough. Going back to school has always been difficult for me, guess it takes some time to get used to the noises and people. I’m very easily triggered the first couple of days, so crying or coming home feeling numb is a regular thing for me. If I’ve gotten enough rest to make it through this semester remains to be seen. I won’t give up without a fight though.
Anyway, there was this other thing that me and my psychologist talked about, that I forgot to mention yesterday: Euphemie’s role on in our system (a system being the host and the alters in one body, at least in this context). I am quite positive that she is a protector. Her fearless, sarcastic, almost airy attitude is almost the opposite of I don’t know.. me? The system? Normally, I’m easily triggered. I often find myself feeling guilty or trying to come up with things that I could have done wrong or to upset someone. I pick my words carefully, never really revealing what I truly mean so I won’t step on someone’s toes. I’m frightened, insecure. She doesn’t give two shits about what anyone else thinks, leading her to saying what she . Also, she doesn’t let anyone close. I guess she’s that mysterious girl sitting in the back of the classroom who everyone has noticed but no one really knows.
I’d say she is both a protector and an outlet for me. While I’d (hmm.. now that I think about it, I’m not sure who’s so afraid all the time, maybe another alter that I haven’t discovered yet? Still have some thinking to do..) never speak my mind, she isn’t afraid to call bullshit. She has prevented us from bottling up all our emotions and opinions. Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t gone completely insane.
Now that I’m starting to discover more alters, I actually feel more whole, does that make sense?
Update: I also realized that she could be my “rebellion” that I’ve had for the last couple of months (not really a rebellion, but I told my mentor at school that I’ve had it with that horrible abomination of a math book and that brainless physics book. I simply refused using them)