I thought I’d give writing in English a shot, so at least the next couple of posts will be in English.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been thinking quite a lot about my alters lately. It’s starting to dawn on me that I probably have more alters/ state of selves. It is extremely hard to determine which thoughts and feelings belong to which alters, it seems I might never know exactly who is who. Which of course is a sad thought.
Anyway, like I said, I think I’ve “discovered” one or two more. How? you might ask. Well I’ve found that there are indeed some stuff floating around in my system that doesn’t seem typical for any alters that I know of so far. For instance; there is someone inside who likes stuff with owls on them and has a sense of humor. It’s certainly not the rational part or the angry man, they wouldn’t care for such things. And I can’t sense Wynn’s usual enthusiasm when it comes to the owls, and it’s not her kind of humor. So who is it?
I’ve also found that I sometimes am taken over by this sort of sarcastic, somewhat socially competent, fairly fierce, quite confident character who keeps her cool. Yes, I’m quite sure it’s a girl. She is not out very often, but when she is, I often feel nervous, worried or even terrified, possibly because I’m not very comfortable when it comes to social interaction, while she, on the other hand, .. enjoys it? Doesn’t mind? Either way, when I’m with the right type of people and the mood is right, she comes out and talks and interacts. I guess I feel like I’m on very thin ice when she does that, afraid she’ll just leave me there or embarrass me. Her name might be Zoë, but I’m not sure yet. I think she’s more active on the inside than on the outside though..
It’s so confusing… I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.. Maybe I’ll try to draw it, like some sort of mind map. It helped the last time… ouf…
[Update: I think her name is Euphemie, meaning “well-spoken”]