The Host

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Yesterday I saw this movie called “The Host”, with my sister and mum. It’s a romantic sci-fi movie based on a book by Stephanie Meyer (I know, I know.. just hear me out) and I was honestly a bit shocked at how well I could relate to it. You see, in the movie, aliens have invaded earth and started taking over the human race. Basically, the aliens are these small worm- like creatures that are inserted into humans, the human’s consciousness becomes suppressed/ disappears and take over is complete. When this happens, the eyes of the person changes to a sort of glowing light blue. However, sometimes, the human’s consciousness lingers, the human fights to stay alive, even though they have next to no control over the body. That it exactly what happens to the protagonist Melanie – an alien (so called “soul”) is placed in her body, but she keeps fighting and in the end they are both trapped inside the body.

Now, the aliens are not evil, they do not want to harm anyone. Quite the opposite, they are extremely peaceful and kind. They have invaded earth to end violence and save the planet. The soul who is placed in Melanie’s body is called Wanderer, and she now has control over the body, but as I mentioned earlier, Melanie is there inside with her and throughout the movie they have these conversations inside their head. Of course various issues keep coming up, like how Melanie feels trapped inside her own body and how frustrating it is for her that others only see Wanderer, or how torn Wanderer is between what she wants and what Melanie wants.

While I was watching the movie I couldn’t help but glance over at my mum and sis to see how they reacted to it, because it really felt  like they were seeing the story of my life (you know what I mean…), and it honestly made me a bit nervous. Needless to say, it was very odd seeing something so.. accurate? easy to relate to? considering that the movie wasn’t about DID/DDNOS or mental illness at all. 

I’d definitely recommend you check out the movie, and feel free to tell me what you thought! I’d love to know.

“I used to say …

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“I used to say I’m sorry
For all of the stupid shit you’ve done
So now I’m really sorry, sorry for being the apologetic one”

Dead to me –  Melanie Martinez

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“Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets?” – Cry by Kelly Clarkson

On EDs, body image and confidence

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It’s okay to want to lose weight, and eat “healthy” and exercise. It’s okay to want to look your best. But if you think that being skinny will solve all your problems, that it will make you feel loved and beautiful and popular, then I got news for you- your weight or body shape is not the problem, your lack of self- worth, respect and esteem is. You don’t need a flawless body when you’ve got confidence. Learn to appreciate yourself, both your body and mind, and you will own the world. Society’s sick standards will have nothing on you. Truth be told, you are fierce and once you’ve realized that, once you’ve started holding your head up high and mesmerizing the people around you with your charm, confidence and contagious smile, ain’t nobody is gonna give a shit if you have stretch marks or thick thighs or a big stomach or no abs or whatever. And if someone should comment on any of that, you can always flip them the finger and know that you are good enough for you, and that is all that matters. 

Stop being so hard on yourself, and start being hard on all the things and people who make you feel like shit. 

Lorelei (Sinner) 

Let’s talk about magic

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A few days ago, me and my sister got quite interested in magic (guess we’ve been watching too much tv). So we started researching it a bit, and ordered some books on how to perform magic (I’m talking about making tea, and lotion and oil and stuff, not the Harry potter and charmed kind.)

I came across a book on the topic, mainly because you could download it for free on Amazon kindle. It was called “the kitchen witch everyday magic book” by Mimi Riser and I found it rather interesting. In the book, Riser explains what magic is and how it can be performed. For instance, you can cast a spell by expressing your goal in words (preferably by rhyming) and saying or thinking these words while visualizing your goal as if it’s already happened. Now, one has to be patient and repeat the spell a few times a day, for several days or more. One can also strengthen the spell by performing rituals or practical spells (making tea, oil, lotions, cooking and so on with certain ingredients). Also, it is very important not to use magic to do harm.

While reading this, it struck me that this will probably work, but not because of the reasons stated in the book. See, Riser claims that magic works because you change the vibrations around you, while I do know that we are indeed surrounded by energies and vibrations of all kind, I do not believe that they can be altered with your mind and utilized to achieve you’re goals the way it is described in many writings about magic. So why do I think that magic works? Because it helps keep your mind on your goals. Think of it this way: you’ve just made a new years resolution to be more bold and try new things. You make this decision and that’s about it. Now, you’re friend made the same resolution, but has a very different approach. They put up notes in their apartment, add notifications on their phone and subscribe to a newsletter for “adventurers”. Who do you think is most likely to succeed? The friend with the reminders of course. Reminders help keep your mind on your goals, which also helps you recognize opportunities. I’ve read that people who are afraid of spiders are more likely to find one in their room. Again, reminders, whether they are notes, fears, things (toys, songs, scents, books…) you associate with certain feelings or goals or spells and magical rituals, help keep you focused on your goals. It makes you more likely to spot and catch opportunities.

Visualization is often used when meditating and reducing stress.
As for using herbs, scents and colors to perform magic, it makes a lot if sense too. I dare say that most people know that many herbs and plants have medical/healing properties, that scents and colors affect us heavily (as do most things that stimulate our senses).
Not to mention the power of conviction: if you are convinced that it’ll work, it probably will.

Also, who wouldn’t feel like a powerful, badass witch making potions in a cauldron?

ED thoughts

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[Trigger warning: ED]
Me: *walking down the street, carrying a big bag of sweets and eating away. Feel like the people passing by give me strange looks*

What I think they’re thinking: “That’s disgusting. You should put that away, go home and stay there until you’ve lost some weight”

What they are probably thinking: “Awh man, do I wish I could have some of that chocolate!”


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Yesterday, We graduated. Even got a reward for being top of my year. In fact, my principal jokingly said that I went down in history for having such good grades (scored 19.45 out of 20 possible). All of that despite being hospitalized 3 times last year and being diagnosed with four mental health disorders. Yep, one can have mental health issues and still be successful.

It was nice, yesterday. We had a ceremony at school, before the last year students’ families arrived and had lunch at the school restaurant. Saying goodbye to the teachers and students was strange, but things haven’t sunk in yet to be honest. After that me and my family and boyfriend headed home for yummy dessert. I also got a bracelet maKer from my parents and a tablet (!!) from my boyfriend, which I was super excited about.

We’re really going to miss our friend from school and mentor. He (mentor) has been so supportive and accepting of all of us. We’ve had some great times at that school, but I’m sure we’ll have many more.

Feeling rather tired now, but it really was better than I had expected.
Hope all of you are doing well.